Our Island Family Life

More and more the phrase, whatever, goes through my head. I am getting so sick and tired of dealing with the random instant gratification kicks Connor goes on. His grandmother didn't call him back until Saturday evening. It was of course obvious no one was going to come and get him by then. So then he wanted me to take him shopping and get a haircut today. I told him I might if I felt like it this morning. I have been having migranes lately. Usually in the morning, and it takes around three hours to get back to normal. I get them from time to time and I had my third one this week this morning at 6am. Connor at least didn't complain, I am sure he knew I would have been less than pleased with him if he did. Anyway, I can understand his disappointment in some respects. I am not thrilled to see his greater upset is about not being able to shop than to see his family. He was on the phone all morning trying to call around for a ride so he could take the noon boat but none of his aunts or grandparents could take him. They were all in church anyway. He then said how every one was mean and trying to ruin his life and against him. How stupid this all was. How hard it is to travel from the island. I pointed out that if we still lived where we had before we moved here he would have the same issues traveling because it would take the same amount of time to get to the city from there as from here. He just doesn't get it. He wants to do something he wants to do it right now and if it doesn't happen then it's everyone else's fault. Like a dog with a bone he just has to do it, right away. He asked me if I would take the noon boat and come home on the 5:45pm ferry and I told him no. Cade and Sofie are coming home on the 4pm boat. Was I supposed to just let them come home by themselves and wait for us? Then he asked me if I could call dad and have him bring them back later. I told him no. Past experience has more than proved Cade especially needs the down time before bed to transition. Connor doesn't get it or care and thinks Cade is just making too big a deal out of his weekends. Of course this is only because it's getting in the way of Connor's current ideas and plans. If it wasn't he would be very sympathetic to what Cade is going through. So I just got finished talking to Connor who went and called his dad and asked him if he could pick him up from school and taking him for a haircut and shopping. I was livid. I said nothing but I am sure my face wasn't schooled into a happy face. I was just so sick and tired of Connor's obsessive need that he would do anything to get what he wanted. He couldn't wait for February vacation in two weeks or even next weekend when he could maybe reschedule to see his grandparents and have more time to shop. He wants to do it so badly he is cutting down the time he could have to really look around. At the best he will get a haircut and then go to an expensive store for a shirt instead of looking someplace he could afford before he has to be on the boat. His dad of course is the WORST person he could go shopping with to teach him to be responsible with his money. He will take him to the mall or something and spend $20 on one shirt. Since all Connor has is $45 he is going to regret it. Maybe he thinks he can get his dad to buy him something. Like hell. Cade asked his dad if he could take him to the candy store and Sean said no. When Cade said he had his own money Sean changed his mind and took him. If Sean is unwilling to buy one son candy then he darn well isn't going to buy Connor clothes. I agree he needs new pants. It's just his attitude that stinks. He won't wear something if he thinks it from Goodwill even if it practically brand new. Anyway, Sean agreed. I still have to email him for a confirmation. Connor said his dad told him he had to ask me first but the email/phone call rule is still in play and if I don't follow up then they will walk all over me and abuse the rule and think they both can get away with it. I am so sick and tired of being the responsible one. So we'll see if Sean gets back to me. If he doesn't then Connor doesn't go. I reminded Connor about the rule and told him I was sending the email. Sean really should be doing it but nose skin of my nose to do it. I think my headache is coming back.

I woke up with a migraine today. I took my medicine and slept for another 2 hours and now just feel a little queasy with a half numb face. That is a good thing. No pain is great.

I hated to do it but I joined facebook. I only did it to keep closer tabs on the boys pages. Yes, I give them little privacy. Anyway, it's all private and I am under a different name. I only have the boys and I am not adding anyone else except maybe one other person. I have no plans to use it. On the obscure chance Sean figures out I have an account I looked him up first and blocked him. Will and Cade have blocked him from their accounts so I have no worries he could trace me from there. Connor though has him though so, we will see. During that whole looking for him stuff I found he still has our account with amazon open and is adding to his wish list. All the things I wanted for myself and/or the kids is still there. How can he do that? How can he have something he only added to three days ago and see all the things I wished for and not think of me? Why not just delete them? Even though the payment is through his credit card the shipping address is still for here. In theory I could get something from my list and bill HIM....lol. That is what he did to me. I won't though because I am not a jerk. I just feel sad all over again. Yes, I am whining. I am just so hurt and angry right now. *sigh*

Where to begin? I'm eating lunch and trying not to think of the freezing walk we will be taking later to catch the 4pm boat. The wind is the problem. On the other side of the island it isn't whipping and even though it's cold it's kind of nice. The wind on our side is awful. This is the time I wish we had a running car.

Nothing too fancy today...

Talk about a space saver. Sometimes I like to pretend I have money and a real home and I save pictures that have kitchen designs or comfy looking beds. This one I thought would be really nice to have where I am living now. We have a small living/dining area so this would be great for company. Still, keeping the kids away from it might be a struggle. I wonder if it's heavy?

Today is Connor's birthday. I can't believe he is 15 today. I know I will be doing a bit of crying today at some point. Although I am happy I feel bad about the fact his dad will not be sending any presents or a card or even making a phone call. He hasn't the past two years so I have no hopes for this year. It is like the other day when I thought about the kids being born and it feels like those memories are tainted by Sean's presence. I kind of wish now I had done it alone and he wasn't there. Now when I think back I feel more sadness than happiness. I wonder how long it will take for those feeling to switch. I wonder how the kids feel about it sometimes. I know Connor acts like everything is no big deal but I would rather he deal with this stuff now than later.

Will told me to read this and I am having so much fun with it. The descriptions are crisp and full. The banter between the characters is bawdy but hilarious. One part fantasy another part pirate. Clever and interesting. We also have the second book in this series which Will had read first and I had started to read but stopped in order to read this one first. Now we need to get the third. That is still in hardcover and so we either wait for paperback or search in the library. I am thinking paperback because these reads are little print, lots of pages. It takes a while to read but worth it.

Well, not going to town yesterday was a good call. The boat I would have come home on almost didn't dock. The wind was howling and the rain was like needles. The power went out. About 19,000 people lost it in our state. I was not thrilled to find out the batteries were dead in my main flashlight and lantern. I have to restock on D batteries. I had my hurricane lamp and candles so we were fine. Connor had already gone off to sleep by then. Will, Cade, Sofie and I stayed in my room to stay warm and just chatted. When it became obvious the power wasn't coming back on anytime soon we just went to bed. Sofie nodded off right away. Then it got funny. I am not sure how we got on the topic of the Beatles, oh yes, now I remember, we were talking about school reading and how Will had noticed Connors Catcher in the Rye book was missing the infamous banned pages. Then it went to John Lennon and Cade was shocked to hear about how he died so we talked about that for a minute and then it evolved to the whole John is dead thing. After a few minutes Cade said, "You mean the Beatles aren't American?" Will and I just burst out laughing. I don't know why but it was just so funny. Cade kept making one clueless statement after another and my back and sides hurt from laughing so hard. Will was in the same shape and me and Cade was laughing too. He knew we weren't really laughing at him (thank goodness). How Sofie slept through that is beyond me...:)

I am currently watching this with Cade and Sofie. This is an english dubbed version I found on youtube. We don't watch this, we watch it in the original japanese with english subtitles. Cade uses this as part of his reading homework. He has learned to become a pretty fast reader doing this. In this english version there are two swear words which were not translated in the subbed version we are watching. I think they like this because of the step family issues for the main heroine. Sofie just likes all the different dresses the heroine wears when she transforms into her magical earth saving persona. The girl (Himeno) is still feeling the loss of her mother and her fathers remarriage. His new wife is his main focus and her new step sisters either ignore her or play pranks on her. One of the step sisters is missing her father who also died and that is part if her anger at the whole situation. Then of course there is the superhero part. Fighting evil seeds that want to destroy the earth's life force. The princess of destruction who used to be a "good guy" but was hurt deeply and let her heart turn to the dark side. A short series but full of human emotions. Not one of my favorite series but good. I kind of feel a little 80's for some reason when I watch it. I can't explain it.

It's raining today and even though it is above freezing the roads are slippery. I woke up this morning and thought about walking with Sofie in the cold rain, the roads, I had bit my lip somehow during the night and it was stinging, my head was pounding and I thought, you know what, I can do this another day. I need new tires and I didn't want to to be driving around with all the kids going from one appointment to the next if it was slippery out. Will called after he left for school and told me he almost didn't make the boat because the road was so tricky walking he nearly fell a half dozen times. Connor too. The news has had reports of some accidents and lowered speed limits. I think I made the right call today.

This was the first picture I saved into what has become my Alice collection. At the time Sofie had been watching the Disney version and we had read the book for our book group so I had been reintroduced to Alice. I had been thinking a lot about how different the story had become because of time and that movie. We had done some extra reading about the author and that was also buzzing in my head. This picture is funny to me because Alice and the caterpillar are sleeping but I am sure the idea is more that they are passed out. Drugged out on video games. Sad to note I see the game system is a Playstation 1. I know that beginning to discern one system from another is a slippery slope into becoming like the Alice seen here...:)

The teen years. I hear girls are even worse. Ok, so Will asks (note: not tells me) he wants to go into town today and check out a bookstore and said he would pick up some stuff for the house we need. Basically, laundry detergent and milk. I said that was fine. A little bit later he said he had invited Connor to come. Now, this is huge. Will voluntarily spending time with Connor, who drives him up the wall? Connor agreeing? I wasn't going to say no to brother time. Connor said he would like to go look for some clothes (it's what he asked for for his birthday). I said ok but he needed to take his phone and stay with Will within reason. They would be taking the bus. This would be a good thing for Connor to learn and Will was going to show him. They leave. I get a call from Will letting me know they had to take a later bus than he had planned because Connor didn't have the right change. Will sounded bugged since he had told Connor repeatedly what he needed. Will floated him the money for the bus. A few minutes later he calls back and says Connor had changed his mind and is not going on the bus after all and is staying in town instead of going to the book store and clothes store. Since they had to take a later bus Will told him the timing might be tight for him to go to the exact store Connor wanted to go to. There are of course oodles of other clothes stores nearby he could look at. Not good enough. He he can't do what he wants then forget it. So Connor left Will at the bus stop and walked off to the music store he usually goes to when he is in town. Did CONNOR call me to tell me of a change in plans? Something we have discussed frequently he needs to do. I am not usually going to tell him no. I understand when things happens like no bus or a friend doesn't show up or bad weather. I just want to know about any major changes. Connor not being with Will, not going to the next town over, being alone in the city and taking a different boat back is kind of on the big side. I tried to call him. He doesn't even have his phone on. grrr. What good is it if he keeps it off? He will only turn it on if HE needs to make a call. That is how egocentric his life is as the moment. I was so not in the mood for another chat tonight. Is this a trust building kind of move to make? More therapy fodder. Thank god Will thinks. I will bet you he will even come back with presents for me Sofie and Cade. Book for me and candy for them. I will let you guys know if he does. I just bet he will because that's the kind of kid he is. Connor? Well, he will come home with a game. He will have spent money he borrowed from someone else for something not needed instead of the clothes he needs. Place your bets everyone.

Well, this has been some week. Sometimes I think I am being held together by thin thread. On a good note, I have worked every day this week. I might be working tomorrow as well. Some much needed income. It's still no where near enough and I have been very worried about it I hope the regular child support comes on the 23rd. I could just skim by then. I have no hopes. I think that is the really sad part.

Like my icon? It's actually a joke. Connor hates Rachel Ray. Loathes. I don't think about it one way or the other but Will likes her. So, we kind of tease Connor a bit and say one of her catch phrases or "accidently" have the tv on to her show when he is around. His reactions are really funny. Anyway, I thought this would be my day of the week where everyone can get a glimpse of what we are eating today. This will be a challenge for me because some Fridays I am not home you will be seeing travel foods and the like. Today I am home so nothing too weird.

In an effort for people to know me and my odd quirks better I am going to do, Caught My Eye Thursday. It seems I am doing something for every day of the week huh? I will try. Anyway, this will be about anything that made me laugh or wanted or went huh? Today is slippers with lights. If I knew where to get these I would add the link. As I go along I will add stuff and links if I have them. These are not a bad idea. No killing yourself or toe stubbing with these babies. Still, I wonder how you turn them on? It would be a pain to fumble for a switch on them in the dark. If I bent over I would probably have a head rush as well. Is there a switch on both slippers or one that communicates with both? What kind of batteries do they use? Despite my questions they are still rather cool.

I know, I know I should wait and process before I reply (if at all) to emails Sean sends me. I have been doing really well lately in doing that but I am not perfect and perhaps from all my recent stress my logical reasoning center was taking a break. He sent me one last night and I was, well, I didn't react well. I was proud of one thing. I didn't realize it until just before I fell asleep though. The first paragraph of his email was him apologizing for not calling me back on Monday when I called asking for Connor and leaving messages. He said he wasn't ignoring me but had "misplaced" his phone that morning. I read it and thought, lie. I never even for a second believed him first then questioned myself about if he wasn't entirely truthful. I just knew it was hot air to appease me before he began his pretend concern about the kids welfare. In other words telling me what to do and how to parent them because I don't know what I am doing and am "causing resentment...leading to years of fear" Yeah, he said that. *snort* As I was falling asleep I was stunned to realize I didn't believe first and question later. Then I thought further. He called ME that morning on his cell he had "misplaced". I called back less than an hour later. Did he really lose it that fast? He was home. Did he not hear it ring? Had he never lost it in the first place? He said, for most of the morning, then why didn't he check his messages? Lies, lies, lies. No wonder I have a lie phobia....:)

So, I forgot to mention. Last night Cade was telling Will about walking to his dad's house from the high school this past weekend. Will asked me if I had seen the news yesterday. I said no, just the weather. He told me and Cade that there was a mention how a cop had seen a kid walking down the street alone(from school it seems) and he picked him up and brought him home. Apparently the kid is 8 and now the family is being investigated by DHHS. There was a huge thing in the news last week about how according to federal standards our State was severely lacking in it's child welfare. Since the spotlight is now "on" hopefully more kids will be helped. I did see that special. So, Cade asked him if the kid had been walking in a bad part of town. Will kind of laughed and told him, it's a city, is there a good part? No matter where you are you have to pay attention to your surroundings. Kids, teens, even adults get snatched every day all over the country. Cade said his dad had told him they lived in a good area. Will told him that they did live in a cul de sac and that was sort of protected but he had to go past some sketchy parts to get there. Not only that, the traffic is very high. Also, they bought a house in a place they could afford and want to believe it's a good neighborhood. When dad lived with us he said point blank to all of us he would never want to raise his kids in that kind of neighborhood. Bottom line is if the cop had seen Cade then he would have been the one brought home. Then see an empty house and then have brought him back to the school. Will told Cade not to ever walk to the house alone again or ride his bike to the store which is even further away than the school. They let him do that too. If he needs to get away from dad and the others to try and find a quiet place and call home for a bit. His safety is more important than their ignorance. I think I just blinked a few times. I know Will has a protective streak but he usually keeps it pretty hidden. He isn't above being a bully either with them at times. Cade was wide eyed and nodded vigorously. Will didn't raise his voice or look angry or anything. Cade asked how the kid who got picked up was and Will said he was fine but he didn't know how the investigation was going and he doubted the news would cover it. I guess I wasn't the only one upset at the idea of Cade doing that.

On the right sidebar I put up a poll. Everybody vote, you can click more than one answer. Those of you who never comment can at least vote in the poll. I KNOW who you are...:)

My posts lately have been extremely long. I will try and do a few short ones for a while instead. I had been venting big time. Ah, well. It's still snowing and school wasn't canceled. I am a bit bummed. We need to shovel and having both the older boys here to do it would have been nice. Connor won't be home until 4pm and I hate telling him to do anything. I am just in no mood for his third degree questioning on why it is necessary to shovel. Will won't be home until 7pm (Wednesday his is college course day) and I would rather he didn't shovel in the dark. Not to mention he shoveled last time and Connor should take a turn. Snow is pretty but a lot of work.

This is what they would call a cozy read. Not much work but fun. There is a whole series. I haven't read them all yet. So far this has been my favorite one. When I was in high school I loved reading true crime stuff. I had a lot of background going in to this one so I was thrilled to know about all the real life crimes that were mentioned in this book. The whole concept of a club that meets to discuss true crimes sounds cool to me. Maybe I am morbid too? Also, a treat for me personally was the female lead. She is 4"11, wears glasses and is a librarian. I started laughing out loud. It's was me! I am 5 feet though. :)

Well, It was a rough evening. I didn't even get to give Sofie a bath because things were kind of hectic. Connor came home with Cade and Sofie on the 4pm boat. His friend didn't see him after all. He was reluctant to tell me why. I can imagine things didn't go well for him when he didn't inform her of his change in plans. Anyway, Sofie was ok for the most part. She wasn't wearing the clothes I sent her in and she was eager to change into "her" clothes. She said the ones she had on were "the witch's". Her cough that has lingered off and on since her cold last week was worse. I emailed Sean about it but Cade said they sent her out to play in the snow. I doubt it helped.

Just to follow a theme here, my fun stuff thing, here is the latest anime I am watching with the kids. This is the one that made me cry. The girl is so sweet! So kind.

I was furious. Then the hurt set in. Which I am sure was what I was trying to hide before with my anger. Connor lied to me.

This morning when I got out of the shower I saw Sean had called. Connor had left on the early boat to spend the day with his friend Kate. Something he had planned since Saturday. Even though it's snowing I let him go since he would be walking around town and not driving anywhere. I checked the phone messages and Sean was asking if Connor had gotten on the boat or not because he didn't want to drive in the snow if he didn't have to. Last night when Connor said his dad had called he never mentioned he was going to see him. I asked him if he had been able to talk to his dad at all over the phone and he said no. He asked me if it was still ok to go in town on the morning boat and I said yes since this was his reward we had discussed in therapy for going to school for a whole week. I said since his cell wasn't working he had to call me from the pay phone in the bay lines and dress warmly since he was going to be walking down town in and out of buildings. I told him if he came home on the 2:45 and not the 5:45 he could call me using Cade's cell as well to let me know. He said ok.

Let me just say right off the bat this isn't an issue where I am mad he is seeing his dad. That is a good thing and quite frankly I am surprised. I hope Connor can talk to him about the school issue and whatever else he feels he needs to. My problems are something else entirely.
One, lies of omission are still lies to me, by not telling me he was going to see his dad, he lied to me in my book.
Two, I let him go in town today despite the snow with the express idea he wasn't going to be on the roads. It is bad enough Cade and Sofie will be since Sean has to bring them to the boat. Connor knew this and said nothing.
Three, he did not call me when he got in town from the bay lines as I expressly told him to. Fourth, Kate called wondering where he was and asked me to let him know if I could she had called. Not only did he not tell me what he was doing he didn't tell his friend who ALSO ventured out in the snow to see him. He is being extremely rude to her.
Fifth, I called Sean twice to ask him to have Connor call me. I told him I wanted him to come home on the 10am boat and we would discuss his lying to me then. I called the second time to let him know Kate called. Connor did not call me back.
Sixth, if he had taken the 10am boat he would be home now and he isn't. Either Sean didn't tell him or didn't bring him.
Seventh, and something that really mounts my fury, I had told both Sean and Connor verbally and in emails that if they had plans to see each other then Sean HAD to inform me so that both parents knew where Connor was. If he didn't then Connor would not be allowed to go. Sean never said anything to me. If they had agreed to meet on the phone last night then Sean should have asked to speak with me to let me know. I wouldn't have said no.

What to do?

Well, one thing is now I AM going to limit Connor's contact with his dad. He can see him on court ordered visitation days and no others. If his dad can not follow one simple request to keep Connor safe then there has to be a consequence. I have only ONE time told Connor he couldn't see his dad in the whole time Sean has been gone from us. Almost 2 1/2 years now. Only once. That was because Connor had been sick that day. I have been very open to visits outside of visitation so they could try and bond. I have had enough.

The lies. Well, I am not sure what to do. I cried and cried for nearly an hour. I am still tearing up. You can't force someone to tell you the truth. You can only hope that by the time your children are teens they will be honest because you have built up enough love and respect to do so. I don't want to take away his options to see his friends or talk to them because his being social is CRITICAL right now to keeping him motivated and out of depression. It simply is NOT a disciplinary option right now. I also have to consider my own reaction. I know, know I may be overreacting to a degree. I am not saying what Connor did is ok and doesn't deserve some kind of "something" to deal with it. What I want to recognize is my own feelings about this so I can deal with this as best I can. Trust is huge with me. I have been so hurt, so crushed by Sean's lies to me. Lies to me my people I love I can not bear it. I can not bear it anymore and I can not tolerate it. I know Sean has made a significant impact on me and how I perceive things. He wasn't the first but he was the worst. I kind of knee jerk now. I do not want to take that out on Connor. I have set some limits for myself though. I can not have people in my life who lie to me on a regular basis. I just can't, not people I love. It will kill me inside. What do you do when it's your son? I love him no question. He has committed a breach of trust I can not ignore. I am willing to give him time to earn it back but you know how it is, with every one negative thing done to you, you need ten good things to undo the damage. It will take a long time. Especially because of my current state. It's fragile and I admit it. I trusted Sean with everything I had and I was a fool. It clouds my judgement. I have to be careful how I deal with things now. I think, I think I am going to make Connor write to me. An essay or letter. Maybe say, ten pages, where he can tell me how lies and omission can hurt others and himself. I want to see that he thinks about this and can empathize with others. Until, he does that he will lose everything. X-box, tv, phone, books, movies, everything. That is what, an hour or two of his life? I will read it and then he has to bring it to therapy next week for us to discuss. After that I don't think I will do more. After all, he really has the worst punishment there is. He has lost the trust of his own mother. What could be worse?

I know I feel hurt at his obvious lack of respect for me. I don't doubt he loves me but I don't want him to grow up learning about that selfish kind of love. I don't want him to be like his dad. I am so tired right now.

Tomorrow is a holiday which means the kids won't be coming home until tomorrow. That is the way it's supposed to be. Last few three day holidays however Sean brought them back on the normal day. I had no idea if he was going to do that again or not so I called him. No answer. Left a message. No answer. Emailed. No answer. I just wanted to know if I had to meet the boat to walk them home or not. Connor asked me if I wanted him to go meet the boat since my foot is still aching. He asked if they were coming back. I thanked him but told him I didn't think so. I told him I had called dad to find out but I was still waiting for a reply. He told me he had been calling Sean too. He wants to ask him to back off about school. He said his dad wasn't answering him either. I was, I dunno, I can't tell anymore if I am mad or sad or just plain frustrated that Sean could send me an email saying how Connor never calls him then I find out he has been but Sean isn't answering his phone. It's just not a logical situation. Anyway, I guess they are staying. I didn't email back or make an angry phone call. No point. Cade will call me himself I am sure. I tried calling him but his phone is off. I just don't like thinking my three year old could be on the dock and not know ahead of time. I wonder how I could have handled this differently.

I think of things. It really is best to get lots of sleep even if you miss out on a little fun here and there. At least it is for me. I didn't have to work today and knew I could sleep in so I stayed up late last night. I was in a chat that gave out writing prompts every 30 minutes and you had to follow the prompts and make it 100 words. No more no less. It's harder than it sounds. Counting was torture. I had never done it before and the time limit was hard. I was proud of myself for pushing the challenge and doing it well. I made people laugh at what I wrote which was my goal. I had a lot of fun. More than I expected. I was up late but still tried to find balance and made sure I didn't stay for the whole challenge and made myself go to bed before midnight. Even knowing I could sleep in I didn't want to get out of whack too much in my sleep schedule. Even if I over did it a bit.

Talked with Connor's crew teacher yesterday. She has run a lot of interference with all the other teachers and the social worker and we came up with a plan for Connor. Sadly, he has my perfectionist tendencies which although makes him turn in excellent work he hates to turn it in on time if it isn't up to his standards. That is a workable thing. I should also mention Connor is a slow person. This is a Sean trait and a trait of his paternal grandma. Not slow as in dumb but just in everything he does. Fast paced things are just not him. He moves at his own pace like a turtle and nothing makes him deviate from it. He gets everything accomplished but he has his own world speed. So, the faster pace of high school is something he has to learn to adjust to. Transition to. He isn't bothered in the least about it but he has to learn some compromises. We talked things over, Connor included and chose to drop his French course and give him an extra study hall for his work. He will be with his crew teacher who is also his English teacher and Connor thought it was a good idea too. He is happy with the plan. French is an elective and it won't count against him come credit time. He can take it up again if he wants or take a summer course if he chooses. He still has things to make up and he might be able to pick up a class in the third trimester. We'll see. There are a lot of factors to consider. Staying after school is not a option for him at this point. The long day (7pm home time) is just too much for him while it is dark out. He really has issues with sleep, depression and the dark. Having the extra time in school w/a teacher is a great solution. His incompletes are now passes, except for his science. He has conflicts w/that teacher so even though he has turned in all his work it comes down to if the teacher thinks he understands the concepts or not. If not he will have to take that again next year. He doesn't need four years of science though and they have more interesting courses to take. He loved chemistry so he is looking into that. He could also double up on science next year or even take a summer course. He doesn't need to but he could.

Here is the rub...Sean. I agreed to the change in Connor's schedule because it was the recommendation of the the teachers, the principal and it was what Connor was excited about. Connor didn't agree quickly. He thought about it for two days and weighed pros and cons before he agreed. His crew teacher is very impressed at how he thinks things through first. I can hear Sean now flipping out about a change. What's done is done. Connor had problem with attendance due to his sleep/depression issues. Main problem. He is in active therapy at school and with his own therapist (which was at my instigation, phone calls and convincing Connor this was needed) and so far is doing well. This has enabled him to be productive and he is engaged with working with his teachers and me to maintain himself and fix past problems. I still have a sinking feeling Sean will be pissed he wasn't consulted about the change before it happened. Maybe I should have said something. I dunno. Maybe if he hadn't threatened me I would have. He hasn't said anything to me about it since and he hasn't spoken to the teachers again or the social worker. Connor still isn't speaking to his dad and flat out told the teachers he didn't want his dad involved in any conferences or for them to speak to him without Connor's knowledge. I am glad things are improving for Connor. Even if it's just a week at a time. He has done a full week and is rewarding himself with some time with friends in town on Monday. This was a suggestion of the therapist. Some positive reinforcement. Then he is going to refocus on another full week. Isn't that the whole point? No matter how we get there? The fact Connor is getting back on track and is happy? It may not be enough for Sean I'm afraid. I have considered if it would be easier for Connor to get to school if he lived with his dad since he lives in town. This was a very, very hard thing to think about. I talked to Connor about it. He flat out refused. He said his dad was pressuring him to change schools to the one "the wife" teaches at. He didn't want to see her everyday or happen to have her as a teacher. He also said he knew there was no bed for him or room. He would miss all of us too much even if he fights with us sometimes. That place is just not home and never would be. I also had to think about the fact his dad wouldn't be taking him to therapy, wouldn't consider Connor's mental state or notice the signs that come and go. That is a huge factor to me. So we'll see. I am not trying to count a chicken before it's hatched but I don't think it would be smart not to know there is an egg bomb, waiting.